“Another glorious, life-affirming season of The Bachelor has come to an end! America’s most romantic show, in which a beautiful man judiciously chooses a mate from a couple dozen women who have been bussed in from across the country, had another grand finale last night, in which beloved bachelor Juan Pablo picked Nikki to be his … well, not bride. Friend? Potential girlfriend? It was sort of unclear, I guess. What he said was this: “I have a ring in my pocket, but I’m not 100 percent sure that I want to propose to you. But I’m 100 percent sure I don’t want to let you go. I like you a lot. A lot.” Which is great! Totally great. Oh, O.K. Well, I guess she’ll just wait until you’re ready to propose to her, because that’s how that has to be done. Terrific message to send to everyone across the country, isn’t it? Meanwhile, the woman Juan Pablo “rejected” said this to him after he dumped her: “What you just made me go through—I would never want my children having a father like you.” Ha! Good for her. I mean, I guess it’s not so good that she once thought this clown was her dream guy, but good for her for finally coming to her senses. Us Weekly of course wrote “she says bitterly” before that whole thing. What a great show. This was the 18th Bachelor! Isn’t that wonderful? Eighteen of these things. “I have a ring in my pocket, but I’m not 100 percent sure that I want to propose to you.” Pffffffft. People still like to watch this show, huh? “Oh he’s horrible and they’re horrible, but it’s so fun to watch!” they say. Mmhm. Until one of these contestants disappears and there’s a high-speed chase through Los Angeles that ends in a grisly fashion in an empty aqueduct. Then maybe you’ll finally put your big glasses of wine down and have a good think about what you’ve all done. What a dump.”
"I’ve been in New York for four years, but I feel like my roots are growing very slowly. I’m very shy. I have trouble initiating conversations. I always joke that I look like Fonzie and feel like Richie Cunningham."
This book/movie = NO.
This song = YES.